This has really all happened so fast. Almost to the point I am in shock. Emma was 2 months old when I took her and Cash to see Missy and she was still very vibrant. She is 90 years old and has had a full life. A truly blessed life. She and my grandfather had 5 children.....but only gave birth 4 times. That's right...twins! My mom is a twin with my Aunt Jane. Then my Aunt Jane had identical twin girls.
I guess I have lived my entire life not thinking about the day that I wouldn't have my Missy. I know that death is eminent but for some reason she was never a part of those thoughts.
My Missy....
I am not sure you know the true impact you have had on my life. That every time I was in your arms I was in, at times, the safest place in the world. Every time we turned down 32nd St or Nugent a smile appeared on my face that couldn't be removed..until we left. I loved that you let me count money with you when you would do the books for the stores. You made me appreciate the finer things. I tried caviar the first time at a Christmas party at one of yours and Grandpa's friend's home. I didn't like it but you made me want to try anything and not be afraid. How many mornings and some evenings did we spend with you "putting my face on" and making me look like a "ratoon" as grandpa would say. Your blue eye shadow....I can see it now on both our eyelids. And rouge!! Oh the rouge...it wasn't blush...it was rouge! It was like lip stick for your cheeks. The colors are so vivid in my mind. I don't know what birthday it was but all I remember is that I spent it at your house. You had a swimming party for me and all my cousins were there. My parents were in Hawaii and even though I was so sad and missed them so much you and grandpa made that day very special. You made me eat beets for the first time. I was sitting at a chair in your living room on 32nd St and had a tv tray in front of me....staring at those beets. I loved running errands and going to your stores with you. I would sit in the front seat and after going to the bank we would go to the stores. Your purse and the money bag would be between us. I can see your hands reaching for both before we got out of the car. Those hands that scratched my back for hours upon hours. You would let me go in your stores and I could pick out candy, eat anything from the "fried" case and stand behind the counter. I felt so special...you made me feel that way all the time. I played office for hours....in your house, in your room and all I needed was a pen, a pad and phone. Going to the Pompano and the Port Arthur Club was so exciting. I can remember feeling, even then... at that young age, so honored. The fact that you would take me there and trust that I would make you proud...that you were that proud of me made me so grateful. I can count on one hand and maybe only twice that you had to get on me...and I am not proud to say it was for being a smart mouth to my mom. I didn't realize at the time that I was not only disrespecting her but you as well because that is your daughter. In the last year you have mentioned several times to me about the time we were in New Orleans and I ran in your arms, scared, when we saw a man dressed as a clown. I don't remember that like you do but that memory means so much to me. I guess because its such a vivid memory for you. The last time I saw you..the last time I will ever see you I was so praying you would tell me that story...and you did. Missy you have loved me unconditionally, made me feel safe my whole life, and in this past week have made me realize that in so many ways I am the woman I am today because of you. There are so many memories and right now I want to remember every single one of them. You are grace, courage, wisdom, beauty, a lady...you are my Missy. I love you.
The time came and we lost you April 19, 2014. I am sad, and relieved all at the same time. I am sad that I will never hear your voice again, that I can't pick up the phone and call you any time I want, that I won't see your name on my caller id anymore, that I won't get to hear you tell me how special I am to you, that I won't get to tell you how special you are to me and the fact I won't get to stare into those gorgeous blue eyes of yours anymore. I am relieved as I know you are no longer suffering and that you are in a much better place. Its the day before Easter and I can only think you had a plan. You gave me back my mother and my children's Nana for Easter. My mother had a smile on her face of which she desperately needed. She will miss you terribly as will I.....my only hope is that I see you again some day. Much love to you Missy!
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